Mommy 2 Nanny 3 Doggy 1

So I had the pleasure of attending the Life Is Good Festival today and I just wanted to share what I saw and heard today.

There is no denying I am a fatty. I don’t mind I like it. But before you judge someone make sure you know the whole reason. I have been big since the end of high school. But in the last 3 years I have got sick with my ears, and the head surgery I needed put me on some pretty powerful drugs which has made me gain a lot of weight. I have never been this big but until I am healthy there is nothing I can do about it. So with that said.

I was in line with my kids waiting to make a flip book. When I heard two woman chatting right behind me. They were in line behind me. RIGHT behind me. So I Know this next conversation was about me.

Skinny B***h 1- “Oh my God. The woman at the door area just totally tried to give me a yogurt when i told her no they were to fattening she said they were fat free. I mean come on I don’t want to be, well you know (snorts like a pig) fat. (Bursts into laughter.)”
Skinny B***h 2- “Um yeaaaa being fat is gross (as I sip my coffee) yea like I wont even go to Starbucks anymore have you seen their calorie count? Come on there are things you can do to maintain looking decent.”

I turned around took a HUGE chuck of my coffee followed by a chug of my free yogurt smoothie (which I had no intentions of eating because it was gross) and said “Oh my gosh I know fat people are so gross and ruin everything!”

This shut them up pretty fast. First of all you are 5 foot nothing and weight about 80 pounds turn around leave the flip book line and go to the other booth and buy/eat a cheese burger. You are gross not only because you never eat but because your mind is sick.

So anyway before I go off even more. How do you handle a situation like that? By the way the guy in front of me heard then entire thing and asked me if I was ok. That is nice we had a whole conversation about rude people and he followed it up with “Well life is good, and they just don’t see that!” he was a pretty kick ass guy…

This weeks Thankful Thursday well is about today! I mean hello it IS Thanksgiving.

So here I go…

I am thankful for living in the state where America was born. Thank you fore fathers for stepping on that Rock (which is NOT impressive if you haven’t seen it yet) and meeting our Natives and not REALLY having dinner with them for surviving the first winter. It is true. Look it up.

For my children. Who keep me on my toes. Like that one day when Alora pooped on the potty then played in it and started crying that she “has da poops all oder my bodeyyyy.” Or the day Robert told me I was the best mom in the entire world because I was giving him a hat with reindeer on it, only to have it flushed in the toilet.

For Harry Potter and Hogwarts. For being real. Giving me a dream. DO NOT CRUSH IT!

Even Alora is Thankful (she made this in class for her feast.) If You can not read it, it says “Alora is thankful for Harry Potter and Food.”

For that REALLY good sneeze I just did on the laptop. Come on when you have a GOOD sneeze it feels so good its satisfying.

For the Turkey my best friend in the ENTIRE world is cooking. The skin on that turkey I am about to eat and burn my tongue on. Ugh I should have learned.

Pumpkin Pie.

Being fat so I can eat all the pumpkin pie.

Plimoth Plantation. For teaching the kids you had a hard life. For teaching my little boogers there is no sponge bob and for making them wheel that entire barrel of wood up the hill to your little cute home and making them put them in the fire and then go out and harvest your basil.

For the Natives who taught my kids to paint with shells and berries. How to use hot coals to make their canoes. As well as life was simple and good for them.

These are my Thanksgiving Thankfuls.

I know not so funny which is my way around the world but hey cute right? Now what is it YOU are Thankful for?

This is me if I was a pilgrim!

So I am not one to be a smart arse, but being a former EMT I know a bit about medical issues, emergency ones as well. As I sit here in the ER (yes I’m blogging while sitting here) I can’t help but notice everyone around me with “issues.”

Guy one. On crutches wimping in pain. He says he broke his ankle. He sits in triage (every small 4 chair ER no hiding anything here) he starts telling the nurse his symptoms I look over and notice his “broken ankle” is crossed with the other one toes wiggling. So guy one you think you should be seen before the guy with shortness of breath? Sorry walk down the hall, oh wait, crutch down the hall and go to “small care.”

Guy two. High blood sugar. Ok this isn’t something to take lightly yes, however this is the conversations with triage. “My blood sugar is very high so high I’m going to die.” “ok sir sit here I am going to go get the finger prick.” Five minuets later, many huffs and puffs and a few swear words, she comes back. “OK sir let me see your finger.” “WHAT ARE YOU STUPID? I took my insulin 45 mins ago obviously it is under control now!” “Ok sir then how can we help you?” “I’m dying that is how you can help me!” really guy? Find a real problem.

So as I sit here I wonder. What is going on in their heads? I know some people have problems in the head and they are confused and need someone to tell them they are ok. I deal with this every day with my dad, but come on? There comes a point when someone has to say no.

Oh and I’m not faking anything, I’m actually not sick. So don’t worry peeps I’m here 🙂

Have you got any nice ER stories?

Robert and Alora-Sara are 7 years apart. Granted I had Robert in high school it was a “starting all over again” situation. Not only starting over but BAM I was given a girl! I decided to breast feed as well, something I did not do with Robert because at that time not only was I put to shame because I was 17 with a child but they were making me go back to school 3 weeks after birth. Yea WTG public school. Anyway there was a lot of changes 7 years later. I mean EVERYTHING changed as well. Which is weird? I mean everything “improves” and becomes better.

Car seats changed BIG. I was all confused. Robert’s carriage and car seat was bought at Brandlees. Yea that shows age right there! “New and Improved” bought there! Anyway his car seat held 15 pounds and was so small. My son was 9 months old when he was to big for this infant seat. Alora-Sara well there was SO many choices at the Baby Stores! I ended up with a infant seat that held up to 33 pounds and 33 inches! YUP LOVE IT! Alora-Sara was tiny so she was in hers till the age of 2! Which is amazing! That was a huge change!

Diapers. well everything is “cloth” now. And like it say in my “about us” section we are not “crunchy” at all! Give me a damn huggy and send me on my way. Carrying around poop in my diaper bag is NOT appealing to me, even if it hangs out in a wet bag.

Breast feeding was still frowned upon with Robert in 2000 and even in 2007 it was still not as popular as it is now. Yes I did it. I sometimes wonder if Alora-Sara was so tiny because I breast fed her and bottled Robert? But our Pedi says no. So I guess not.

“Wearing Your Baby.” WTH is that? Both my kids didn’t have that! Look! They are still trying to get back into my vagina with all their cuddles and love. So I don’t think “wearing” a baby makes it any different.

Wait wasn’t this post suppose to be about surviving a new baby after a long period of time between the next!? Ok here is my out spoken opinion.

Oh look my oldest is 10. Here oldest I want to sleep leave me alone and take the baby, wake me up when she needs a boob. Ok there ya go. Hey oldest I need a cup of coffee you remember how to use the Kureig right? I need to poop! I have not pooped in 3 days, here oldest I want to poop in peace. Oh look I want to watch a trashy soap, here oldest play with them so I can have an hour of peace. Look there is a LOT of new things so here husband and oldest figure them out and tell me how they work, I think the Babies R Us guy is sick of my questions. Oh and oldest I love you still the same! You my oldest are my FAVORITE oldest in the world!

A lot of things change when there is a big gap. Some like products for the better some not at all. It is all in personal choice. I chose to have Robert help me a bit (although I never napped hmmm the next one I will nap.) However mostly my husband and I did the work knowing if we needed a poop break Robert was there to help a bit. We learned about new car seat safety and crib safety by going to classes. Both of which Robert LOVED going to and getting loads of attention!

Well there ya go some of my opinions. Well the ones I can post here without being a “mean” “crazy” “what the hell is she talking about” Mommy.

Do you have children that is a big age gap? How did you survive? What are some of the “changes” you needed to do?

I have had a VERY hard time sleeping lately 🙁 it is starting to really suck or er stink!

I love sleep! I mean I just posted about being thankful for naps a few Thankful Thursdays ago. But lately man I can’t even nap! Where has it gone? Did it go away with that sock I have been missing for two years now. Yes I will NOT throw the other away because, as god is my witness, I will find that purple fuzzy son of a gun! Ok off subject.

So I have been finding myself late at night with Leno and Jimmy. I like Leno. Jimmy’s jokes have been a bit well sad. But that is not the point here! The point is I LIKE SLEEPING! Really this is starting to weigh on my brain. Before I was able to lay down, read some nook, or play some angry birds (ugh problem in it’s self) and pass out in a few. Now I just sit here. I can not even get up off my chair to crawl into bed.

I have children that sleep, a dog that loves sleep, and a mail man that passes out by 9. So why on earth am I awake late at night? Then I have to go to work. OH BOY. I drive all day. My eyes get HEAVY. It is coffee ALL DAY LONG. Before when I was having trouble sleeping I stopped the coffee by noon. Back to normal. Now it is not working.

I am going crazy! Like Charley Sheen crazy. Ok never mind no person but Charley Sheen can be THAT crazy. Oh and lets talk about the show? I don’t watch the show but I heard what was going on. Really? Ashton Kutcher? That is worse. Since when did he do anything but Nokia commercials? Pathetic. I would rather see a drunk/high/insane Charley raise a kid.

Ok really do you SEE how tired I am? I went off topic a few times! Anyways. I need a sleep aid!

So I am that cool mom at preschool. I have blogged about this before. I work in a town that is very well, “well to do.” Littlest bean goes to a preschool in that town and my littlest goes to a school in another snobby town. I am “THAT” Mom. You know the one with purple hair, tattoos, and red all stars that are beat up, old, almost has holes and are well grungy. So basically I am cool but no one else in these places see it. The looks I get walking into the library! haha!

The other day however a tragic accident happened. I watched it happen as well. My Red All Stars my staple of life, my wear in snow rain and mud, my favorite pair, the ones that were formed to my feet died. Dead. Gone. See you later. I am crying. I know pathetic, but does this surprise you? The woman who is still crying over Harry Potter.

I buried them. Not going to lie. I am devastated and buried them next to that wild bird that died in our yard three years ago. The one my husband found, cried and buried. We are sad people. They were special. The best shoes ever! Come on how can you NOT love red chucks?! Alora is sad as well. She has her own pair that are red too. Damn kid. Why didn’t HER red chucks die? Anyway, she gets me.

I went to target to buy another pair. Guess what! They have no red ones 🙁 They have black and blue, orange, purple, pink and even stars. Red? No 🙁 What am I going to do? I don’t have $65 to order a pair from them directly. I mean they are $34.99 at target. That is stretching my bank. I am going to Disney after all in 24 days!

Here I am blogging about my shoes? REALLY!? THEY ARE SHOES! I should be worried about other things. Like what kind of pie am I bringing to Thanksgiving? Or how I need to pack for 4 of us to Disney? Or trying to get my k-cups to stretch till after Disney. I mean there is way more problems in my world then these shoes! Ugh no there is not 🙁 Oh red shoes come back…

Phew now that that is off my DDD chest. Have you ever been this close to a pair of shoes?